The Story of a Dream

Sorry I haven’t been on here that much. A lot has changed, and some that hasn’t. For me though…I want to leave the past behind. College is coming up and I have to start focusing on my medical career. I’ve been working out more often, and losing weight at the same time. A lot of opportunities have risen up, and I want to take the challenge. I think that I’ve grown more mature on the inside, because this last writing is unlike all the others I’ve been writing, even though on the outside, I’m still the same old self. So this is my last review (or second to last review if this wasn’t enough.) Basically, this is my confession. I don’t believe in anything, so I couldn’t say this to anyone, but…if I write it on here, it will at least alleviate my final sadness.

When I look back into the past, I’ve seen a lot has changed. I found that one single girl who changed my life, and even though she has now disappeared from my life. The person I thought was going to be in my life forever, was now gone. To her, I am nothing more but a simple, rememorable memory. I can’t change the past, but if I can, I would do anything to be with her right now. Because of her…I now understand the feelings of true love. I thought that this was a regular relationship, that once the relationship is over, you would grieve for a few weeks, then go back to your everyday life searching for another person to love. This wasn’t the case for me. I still think about her, and I still wish I was the one inside her heart this very minute. I tried to make excuses, by being angry, saying how it was her fault, how she only looked at my bad side, how she still has faults even after the relationship. The fact is…I was the one who created the ending, by doing things which eventually led her to believe that I was no longer the person for her. God is now her main thoughts and love, something that I can never replace, nor ever will. When I write this, I don’t expect any pity, because I wrote this purely to write down my emotions, and my thoughts, before leaving it all behind. I still love her with all my heart, and I still think of her every day. I didn’t know this feeling would still be strong today. Whenever I read her writing, or see her pictures, or just thinking about her, my body shivers and my heart pounds, and I wish she was still here with me. I wish I can return to the past, where I can change myself, or at least have her back with me for only a few more seconds, but I know that’s just wishful thinking. Do I want her back? Yes. If she does come back, would you accept it? I’ve been thinking of that, and if there was ever a chance she would come back….I would deny it…because I’m not the one for her. I can’t lead her any closer to what she dreams the most, being close with God. For me, I can only love her from a distance. Do you know a book by Nicholas Sparks? There is one particular book that is now my favorite, because the same girl liked it months ago. The main character loves this one girl, but can’t have her, because his best friend now has her, and he doesn’t want to break it, so he will only love her from a distance. Can I be replaced in that story as well? If so, then that main character is me, that one girl is the love of my life, and his best friend, is God. To me, she is that single angel from heaven, that God sent down to let me understand the true meaning to life. I don’t know how else to say it. She’s the most beautiful person in my life, and it was only a one chance opportunity. I sometimes can still feel the tears running down my eyes, because I took that chance for granted.

There was one time that I wrote her a single piece of letter, and I’ll write it again, because I still remember it. It’s the only way to express my feelings.

So this is where my confession ends. Even though this whole confession wasn’t extravagant, nor was it emotionally strong, it was simply the thoughts that I wish to take out. I decided, that since I can no longer be with her, I will try my hardest on my dream, which is becoming someone who can actually protect everyone. I want to be that person, since I couldn’t do it when I was with her. My mistakes will remain forever with me, and I will try to make up for it throughout my life. After this, I will leave all of this behind, and continue on my separate path. Still I want to say one thing before I leave. For that single girl, I’m sorry I’ve been trying to avoid you. Talking to you makes me remember the past again, and how much I love you, and how much I know that I can’t stay by your side anymore. I wish I can talk to you, but at this moment, I can’t, because I still want to be with you. I’m glad to have met you. That isn’t the last thing I wanted to say though. This is the last thing that I want to say, because after this, I can no longer say it.

I love you Grace. I’ll always love you.

“I’m sorry…for ever making you feel bad before. For everything I’ve done wrong, I’m sorry. It doesn’t seem to matter how irritated or pessimistic I can be… you’re still there for me. Always. I’m afraid that if i stay the way I am…you’ll eventually get tired of it… and then you’ll go.

I’m trying my best to change…because I dont want to risk losing you.” Grace.

I think she is really the one.

Pure happiness that is in my heart

Something that cannot be taken away

Pure happiness comes from the person dearest to you

A hope that cannot be shattered away.

Larry: Most similar person to me. We love japanese products, anime, and insulting names lol. He’s a person you have to be with if you want your life to be erased of boredom.

Jude: Closest guy friend. We both love strategy games and I guess I talk mostly to him.

Aubrey: Jude’s girlfriend and self-acclaimed best friend to me, though she hardly talks to me about stuff, which destroys the name ahahah xD.

Donna: Longest known friend. She’s a person I can’t live without, simply because without her, I’d fail my classes. She’s still a really good friend =).

Sarah: We hardly talk, but I know she’s always there, and thats comforting. All I can say =).

Kayla: Best school friend! Simply because we are almost in all the same classes lol. She’s fun to be around….but is the most sarcastic person I know >.>

Wendy: Japanese wannabe from a chinese descent, she’s actually one of the very few seniors I know that I talk to. She’s president of a club which I’m attending (Heart of Nature), and she’s insanely smart…even though she’s short xD. Still, she is a nice person.

Esther: She’s in my first period class and she is very mature. Not much to say about her except that she’s studious and she’s insanely rich. I know her because of all the club meetings and the fact shes in the senior’s group that I sometimes hang out

Sue: SENIOR BEST FRIEND xD. She can sing like a pro, and we hang out sometimes just talking about the most random stuff I’ve ever known.

Rui: Most atheist person I’ve known, even more than me lol. He makes a lot of random hilarious insults which usually doesn’t offend anybody. Laziest genius I’ve known so far.

Max: Jazz and Rock fan. He has extremely long hair which makes him look like he’s in a band. Since he’s in several of my classes, I talk to him alot.

Nur: My original best friend. He has a lot of the same attributes as me, besides the fact that he’s from Bangladesh. I’ve known him the longest out of this whole list, and I also know his parents more than the others xD.

Alyssa: I’m beginning to talk to her more often, because she’s with Aubrey often for chemistry homework (lol). Plus she’s in two of my hardest classes, so it helps when I need help xD.

Seung: He’s actually should be on one of the tops of my list, but I forgot since I have too many friends xD. Most hardworking person you will ever meet with an amazingly kind personallity. He’s a good person to talk to when you are feeling bleh xD (after me of course =P)

Ryan: Most jewish person ever. He is smart, and he plays basketball. Plus I talk to him concerning spanish and chocolate bars xD.

Ali: A good friend. He doesn’t cuss a lot and he actually is pretty well-known, but he stays only with his inner friends. I think one of my friends like him lol.

Ishmail: Senior and black lol. That’s how he describes himself. I come to him to ask for help with a test *cough* while he comes and asks me for the newest math homework.

I have more friends than this list, but these are the one I talk to the most. I gotta say, my life is pretty weird, considering its so boring lol.