The Story of a Dream

Sorry I haven’t been on here that much. A lot has changed, and some that hasn’t. For me though…I want to leave the past behind. College is coming up and I have to start focusing on my medical career. I’ve been working out more often, and losing weight at the same time. A lot of opportunities have risen up, and I want to take the challenge. I think that I’ve grown more mature on the inside, because this last writing is unlike all the others I’ve been writing, even though on the outside, I’m still the same old self. So this is my last review (or second to last review if this wasn’t enough.) Basically, this is my confession. I don’t believe in anything, so I couldn’t say this to anyone, but…if I write it on here, it will at least alleviate my final sadness.

When I look back into the past, I’ve seen a lot has changed. I found that one single girl who changed my life, and even though she has now disappeared from my life. The person I thought was going to be in my life forever, was now gone. To her, I am nothing more but a simple, rememorable memory. I can’t change the past, but if I can, I would do anything to be with her right now. Because of her…I now understand the feelings of true love. I thought that this was a regular relationship, that once the relationship is over, you would grieve for a few weeks, then go back to your everyday life searching for another person to love. This wasn’t the case for me. I still think about her, and I still wish I was the one inside her heart this very minute. I tried to make excuses, by being angry, saying how it was her fault, how she only looked at my bad side, how she still has faults even after the relationship. The fact is…I was the one who created the ending, by doing things which eventually led her to believe that I was no longer the person for her. God is now her main thoughts and love, something that I can never replace, nor ever will. When I write this, I don’t expect any pity, because I wrote this purely to write down my emotions, and my thoughts, before leaving it all behind. I still love her with all my heart, and I still think of her every day. I didn’t know this feeling would still be strong today. Whenever I read her writing, or see her pictures, or just thinking about her, my body shivers and my heart pounds, and I wish she was still here with me. I wish I can return to the past, where I can change myself, or at least have her back with me for only a few more seconds, but I know that’s just wishful thinking. Do I want her back? Yes. If she does come back, would you accept it? I’ve been thinking of that, and if there was ever a chance she would come back….I would deny it…because I’m not the one for her. I can’t lead her any closer to what she dreams the most, being close with God. For me, I can only love her from a distance. Do you know a book by Nicholas Sparks? There is one particular book that is now my favorite, because the same girl liked it months ago. The main character loves this one girl, but can’t have her, because his best friend now has her, and he doesn’t want to break it, so he will only love her from a distance. Can I be replaced in that story as well? If so, then that main character is me, that one girl is the love of my life, and his best friend, is God. To me, she is that single angel from heaven, that God sent down to let me understand the true meaning to life. I don’t know how else to say it. She’s the most beautiful person in my life, and it was only a one chance opportunity. I sometimes can still feel the tears running down my eyes, because I took that chance for granted.

There was one time that I wrote her a single piece of letter, and I’ll write it again, because I still remember it. It’s the only way to express my feelings.

So this is where my confession ends. Even though this whole confession wasn’t extravagant, nor was it emotionally strong, it was simply the thoughts that I wish to take out. I decided, that since I can no longer be with her, I will try my hardest on my dream, which is becoming someone who can actually protect everyone. I want to be that person, since I couldn’t do it when I was with her. My mistakes will remain forever with me, and I will try to make up for it throughout my life. After this, I will leave all of this behind, and continue on my separate path. Still I want to say one thing before I leave. For that single girl, I’m sorry I’ve been trying to avoid you. Talking to you makes me remember the past again, and how much I love you, and how much I know that I can’t stay by your side anymore. I wish I can talk to you, but at this moment, I can’t, because I still want to be with you. I’m glad to have met you. That isn’t the last thing I wanted to say though. This is the last thing that I want to say, because after this, I can no longer say it.

I love you Grace. I’ll always love you.